so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
