And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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