We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
