that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Please don't give away my fajitas
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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