Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
