that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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