eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize