Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
