I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
