Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
