from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
