Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you traded sex for a burrito?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
