I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All the doctor said was why
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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