Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
