were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
