Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
