I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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