I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
