insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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