You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
