and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
