I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
