went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
