i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
