Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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