Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.

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(214): View more from Texas

Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life

(501): View more from Arkansas

3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry

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(314): View more from Missouri

He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.

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(770): View more from Georgia

One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.

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(805): View more from California

What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.

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