Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
