Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
