she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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