I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
