So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize