I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
