yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
