He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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