she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
