xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
