There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is the high leading the old right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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