Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
