i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize