I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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