I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
