I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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