I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
