all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
