i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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