um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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