guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
