She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
