areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
