well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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