dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
