my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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