Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
id be glad to
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
