I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
