I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have demons in me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
