Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
