Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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