Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
