How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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