with your own penis?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
