how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
