I could have mohawked her pubes.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
