that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
