Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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