Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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