we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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