And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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