he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
