What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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