I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
