my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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