You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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