Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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