yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
