I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
