i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
