I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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