He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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