The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
