i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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