.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
