would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
this is an emotional support booty call
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
