I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
