no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
