the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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