So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
