Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
