Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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