I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The air taste purple.
Randomize