Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
